You can't special order awesome
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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