So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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