She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
