I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
