Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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