my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
