***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
