Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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