i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
