Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
