do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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