no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
