we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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