You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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