How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
