Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Who wears a wallet chain?!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
