Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
PANTIES FOUND
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
