best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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