Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
