I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
