Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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