god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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