My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
