am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
