Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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