He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
