I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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