i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
