I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
