I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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