Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
