I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
