i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
