dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize