dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
