Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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