I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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