Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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