The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize