I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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