I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
