God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize