How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there's paper in my vomit.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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