I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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