well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
