Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
