at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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