I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
