so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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