I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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