if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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