suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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