I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
