my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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