i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
