I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
