So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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