What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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