im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
