please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
