It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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