but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
