You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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