at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
