history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
