i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
