At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
