I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
