Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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