All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
