i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
