omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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