I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
