I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
