WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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