You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
